My husband, Charles, died before the current pandemic, but I can clearly imagine the challenges I would have had in managing during these difficult circumstances, and I have profound empathy for those of you who have this added layer of danger and inconvenience.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, dementia itself probably does not increase the risk of COVID-19, but people with dementia may have trouble following precautions to keep themselves safe.  In addition, any illness can make dementia symptoms worse – sometimes temporarily, and sometimes more permanently.  Recent research has also shown that delirium (sudden changes in behavior and thinking) may be one of the first signs that someone with dementia is getting ill with COVID.

Proper hygiene can be a problem for people with Alzheimer’s.  Depending on the stage of the condition, your partner may need different types of support with handwashing, for example.  In the earlier stages, a handwashing reminder sign in the bathroom might be helpful.  As your partner needs more support, you can prompt handwashing for the proper time, or provide hand sanitizer.

Of course you will want to limit your activities away from home, but if you do go out, having a mask lanyard to keep a mask handy may be helpful.  It may be better to encourage your partner to wear a mask the entire time you are outside of the home, rather than have them try to decide when it is needed and when they are safe without a mask.

This Alzheimer’s Association article has many excellent suggestions for dealing with COVID whether your partner is at home, in a care facility, or in a hospital.  One of the most difficult and saddest parts of this pandemic is the separation it creates between people with dementia and their loved ones.  If your partner is able to use technology such as video chats, with or without assistance, that can help keep you connect when you are physically apart.  Sadly, for some people, video chats or phone calls are just confusing and make things harder.  Several years ago, I tried to keep in touch with my husband Charles via FaceTime while I was traveling, but he couldn’t handle his iPad himself and he became angry at the caregiver who was staying with him when she tried to assist.  So you will have to use trial and error to see how best to stay in touch.

If you are physically separated with limited visitation, acknowledge your own situation and get whatever support you can.  This is a loss for you, and it may be very painful.  When Charles was in an Adult Family Home for the last few months of his life, I was able to visit him daily.  When I had the flu and couldn’t see him for a week, he was fairly oblivious at that time, but I was deeply distressed.  Reach out to your friends and family who will understand, and work with the staff at the hospital or care facility to stay in touch as much as possible. 

Be realistic about what contracting COVID-19 may entail for your partner.  Make sure you have all necessary documents such as Healthcare Power of Attorney or POLST readily available, and that you have had the tough conversations about what your partner wants should they become critically ill.  

If your partner is at home with you, you may be experiencing greater stress for a variety of reasons.  The pandemic is most likely curtailing any in-home help and respite you have been receiving, and your ability to go out with your partner and enjoy community activities is severely limited.  Try to find some safe ways to get out of the house, if possible.  If the weather is good, going for a walk in an uncrowded area (with masks at the ready in case people come too close) is always a refreshing option.  Taking a ride in the countryside with some good music on the radio may be enjoyable. 

Now is the time to be assertive for your partner’s safety.  If family members want to visit under conditions that increase COVID risk, you must say no. Do not let people pressure you into violating safety boundaries, no matter how tempting it may be.  Try to see people outdoors, with masks and social distancing, if that is possible.  Insist that any service people who come into your home wear masks and disinfect any surfaces they touch after they leave.  You may want to keep a box of disposable masks so there is no excuse if the plumber shows up without one. Caring Communities has an excellent document on Navigating Situations Where You’re Uncomfortable with Other People’s COVID Safety Practices.

Try to find some activities that will entertain or absorb your partner so that you have a break.  No matter how much you love your partner, you may crave a little time to yourself.  My post on Activities for Those with Alzheimers – Things to Do at Home may be helpful. 

Create a new routine.  Routine is comforting to most people with dementia, and often for the rest of us as well.  If several of your usual activities are no longer available to you, create a daily and weekly schedule that works for Pandemic Times.  Be creative and keep your partner’s preferences and energy levels in mind. 

Reach out for support.  Many of the caregiver groups sponsored by organizations such as the Alzheimer’s Association are now available virtually.  Even if you haven’t felt the need for such support before, you may find it invaluable as you try to adjust and accommodate to difficult conditions.

I know you are doing whatever you can to keep yourself and your partner safe and well.  My heart is with you.